Men & Integrity.

Posted: July 2, 2011 in Man Up Quotes

 Here’s a few famous quotes to get your mind  & character in shape:

Don’t try to be different.  Just be good.  To be good is different enough.
~Arthur Freed

The measure of a man’s real character is what he would do if he knew he never
would be found out.  ~Thomas Babington Macaulay

The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.  ~William Safire

A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always
has good company.  ~Charles Evans Hughes

Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
~Albert Einstein
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.  ~David Star Jordan,
The Philosophy of Despair

A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always
has good company.  ~Charles Evans Hughes

A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always
has good company.  ~Charles Evans Hughes

Real Men and Work

Posted: June 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

Real Men and Work

 

Bill W. was Public Relations Director at a midsized company for many years.  After being downsized, and unable to find a job in his field, he took a job loading trucks in a warehouse.  His warehouse job helps put food on the table, but Bill’s self-esteem is reduced every day that he goes to work.  With each passing day he feels less successful.

Work is so important to men that many of us allow our work to define who we are as people.  But when a man’s work becomes who he is rather than simply what he does to make a living, he makes himself vulnerable to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.  Instead of basing our value on our jobs we should base our value on our relationships with those who know us well and choose to love us unconditionally.

Real men define themselves by their values instead of allowing their work to determine their worth.  They prioritize the people they love, understanding that when work is gone, all that is left are the relationships they either nurtured, or neglected.

Want your work to have real purpose and value…then – Man up! And re-think your priorities.

Real Men and Their Adult Children

 

 Ralph J. fathered a child out of wedlock at 18.   Now, at 39 Ralph is a great husband and father to a different woman with whom he has two young children.

But his eldest son Tony, now 22 grew up knowing Ralph only as the name on the monthly child support check.  As a child he longed for a close father/son relationship.  Today, Tony struggles with feelings of extreme anger towards Ralph while at the same time wanting his father’s affirmation and love.

How does Ralph begin the process of reaching out to Tony to begin the kind of dialog that could lead to a relationship?

Ralph could do three things… Stop – Look – Listen

Stop – Stop the negative feelings of guilt and shame over past actions that can’t be changed.

Look – Look for common ground (i.e. hobbies, interests, etc.) that can serve as a place of connection today.

Listen – Be willing to listen to the hurt and anger, which will be expressed, understanding that the expression of those emotions plays a significant role in the healing process for both of you.

Want to heal the hurts of your past?  Then Man Up!…and reach out.

 

Real Men and Gaining Respect:

 John B. does hard, back breaking work in construction six days a week and often from sun up to sun down.  So every Friday when he gets his pay check, he and some of the guys from work like to blow off a little steam by hanging out all night at the local watering hole where they have a few more drinks than they should, flirt with a few more women than they should, and spend a lot more of their pay check than they should.   His wife every Saturday morning always smells the alcohol on his breath, and sees the lipstick on his face, but tries to ignore it because the one time she did mention it, he ended up in a blind rage, and she woke up in an emergency room looking into the eyes of their four children who were sobbing, afraid, and confused as to why their dad who they knew loved their mom would want to hurt her.  John makes a decent living for his family, and even helps with homework and goes to after school events for his kids when he can, but is he a real man if he cannot control his rage and at times physically abuses his wife?

Aretha Franklin made popular the hit song R-E-S-P-E-C-T in the 1960’s.  But from the dawn of time men have used respect as a measuring stick with which to determine the degree to which they are real men.

The dictionary definition of respect is: “the condition of being esteemed or honored.”  Many “want-to-be” men try to use bullying and aggressive behavior to generate respect. But instead of producing esteem and honor, more often than not they produce fear and intimidation in others.   While fear and intimidation may at times be effective in getting one’s own way, they typically lead more to underlying resentment rather than authentic respect.

Real men understand that to gain respect from others one must first be willing to give respect to others.  As a matter of fact the degree to which one gains respect from others is often the degree to which one shows respect to others.  Want respect?… Man Up!

Real Men and Handling Responsibility:

 

From early on men are taught incorrectly, that real men are independent especially when it comes to dealing with responsibilities.  We are mistakenly conditioned to think that if we can’t do it for ourselves and by ourselves, we have failed as men.  From that system of thought emerges the stereotype of the “self-made man.”  The man who has succeeded by pulling himself up by his own boot straps.  The man who is bullet proof, mistake proof, and completely unequipped and unwilling to receive help from others he sees as less than himself.  This kind of thinking causes men to take on too much responsibility in way too much isolation, often resulting too much stress and the development of harmful coping mechanisms like (drinking, drugs, violence, sexual misconduct, over eating, gambling, ect.), ultimately leading to disenfranchisement, disability, and ultimately early death.

Real men on the other hand see life as a “team sport.”  They understand that it is the best team in life that wins and not just the team that has the best individual talent.  They value and employ the African concept of Ujima meaning collective work and responsibility.   Therefore, they seek out others to partner with where responsibility is concerned.  They empower others on their team at home, at work and in the community to achieve more as a team than any one of them could achieve individually.  They also seek to share the credit and the accolades upon completion of a job well done.

Real Man Assessment

Posted: June 11, 2011 in Real Man Assessment

Real Man Assessment:

So if all this has you wondering if you or a man in your life is a real man, below is an assessment that might help answer that question, or at least will provide a starting point for what could be a very interesting discussion.

Real Man Assessment

Respect:

  1. Those who know me the best think highly of me most of the time.

Strongly Agree  Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

  1. Those who know me more as an acquaintance think highly of me most of the time.

Strongly Agree  Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

  1. I almost always think highly of myself.

Strongly Agree  Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

  1. People never pretend to like me because they are afraid of me.

Strongly Agree  Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

  1. People often want to be around me just because they like me.

Strongly Agree  Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

Resources:

1.   I normally know what resources I have and/or am in need of in order to accomplish an important task. (By resources we mean: money or time, or help from others, etc.)

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

2. When I get money, I normally use it for what I need first and then for what I want.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

3. I usually pay back what I owe to others at the time that I promised I would pay it back.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

4. Others usually have no problem allowing me to borrow what I need from them.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

5. I normally think of time as being of greater value than money or material possessions.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

Responsibilities:

1. I almost always do what I said I would do.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

2. I almost always know what I am responsible for doing each day and usually get the most important things done.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

3. Rarely do I need to be reminded to do something that is important to do.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

4. I can usually anticipate things that need to be done and do them without being asked.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

5. I normally plan my work and then work my plan.

Strongly Agree          Agree                    Disagree              Strongly Disagree

Totaling Your Score:

Answers:

Strongly Agree = 4 points

Agree = 3 points

Disagree = 2 points

Strongly Disagree = 1 point

Your Real Man Ranking:

Superior                              54 – 60 points

Above Average               48 – 53 points

Average                               42 – 47 points

Below Average                 36 – 41 points

Poor                                      35 points and Below

What is A Real Man?

Posted: June 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

Man Up!

By: Tim Owens, M.S.

Tim Owens is Managing Partner of the Owens Group www.owensgrouptraining.com and Director of the Man Up! Program

A program that helps adolescent boys with development into Real Men.

What is a Real Man?

 John B. does hard, back breaking work in construction six days a week and often from sun up to sun down.  So every Friday when he gets his pay check, he and some of the guys from work like to blow off a little steam by hanging out all night at the local watering hole where they have a few more drinks than they should, flirt with a few more women than they should, and spend a lot more of their pay check than they should.   His wife every Saturday morning always smells the alcohol on his breath, and sees the lipstick on his face, but tries to ignore it because the one time she did mention it, he ended up in a blind rage, and she woke up in an emergency room looking into the eyes of their four children who were sobbing, afraid, and confused as to why their dad who they knew loved their mom would want to hurt her.  John makes a decent living for his family, and even helps with homework and goes to after school events for his kids when he can, but is he a real man if he cannot control his rage and at times physically abuses his wife?

 

Robert C.  works in the information technology industry and is very good with all things technical.  His wife of 18 years is an alcoholic and spends more time away from home than at home with him and the kids.  She doesn’t work, but demands that he bring his pay check home every two weeks and give it to her to manage.  She won’t be accountable for her life style of drinking and bar hopping, but their home is always a mess, their bills are rarely paid on time, and the oldest daughter at age 16 has for a few years now begun to play the role of mother to herself and her younger brother and sister.  Robert is a hard worker, and is very dependable, but is he a real man if he doesn’t confront and hold his wife accountable for the damage she is doing to herself and their family?

 

Joshua A., a sports fanatic, works hard, in sales, but is home by 6:00 almost every night.  He makes a decent living, helps with chores around the house, but is the classic non-communicator when it comes to sharing his thoughts and feelings with his wife of seven years.  He goes through the motions at home, and does everything he is responsible to do at work, but his wife feels like they are emotionally divorced.  Joshua spends hours in front of the television watching sporting events and sports news.  His wife believes he cares more about the individual lives of the players on his fantasy sports teams than he does about her and the children.  They make good money, live in a nice home, have two young children, but ultimately they are strangers to each other.  She has tried on several occasions to talk with him about it, and he always just brushes her off and dismisses her loneliness as  her issue and not his own.  Joshua is responsible at home, takes care of his family monetarily, and provides a comfortable life style for them, but is he a real man if he is unable or unwilling to help meet his wife’s emotional needs as well?    

So what is a real man?  How do you know when you are one?  By what process do you become a real man? How do you let others know in appropriate ways that you are a real man?  These are some of the questions and issues that we will address each month in Man Up!

The call to every man to Man Up! Is a call that often tends to be much more complex than at first it appears.  To many men being a man is simply a matter of having the right plumbing at birth.  I submit that there is much more to being a man, than possessing the requisite male genitalia.  Being and becoming a man is a process that requires sustained work, discipline, and desire throughout one’s life.

As my dad would often say to me “…it ain’t easy, but easy jobs don’t pay much.”

It’s my strongly held belief that there are many attributes that make a man a “real man”, but there are three attributes that are most common to most real men.  These three attributes for me serve as the base line, the starting point, the line of demarcation that separates real men from want-a- be’s, impersonators, and frauds.

Real men, ultimately, are effective at gaining respect, managing resources, and handling responsibility and all within the context of building and maintaining quality relationships at home, work and in the community.    

 

 If you are interested in receiving Man Up information , visit our website at www.owensgrouptraining.com or fill in the blanks below.